My report was...Well, first off. I was doing better. Better than last night when I called sobbing wondering if she could come rescue me today. We made arrangements for her to come help me a couple of weeks ago with some mothering/housewife things that I've felt like I've failed at. It is supposed to be on Monday but I felt desperate and didn't think I could wait until then. She gave me some pointers and the day went very differently.
Today after meeting with my therapist, I once again, left feeling encouraged. Like I had turned a new leaf? She got me thinking again. I guess that's what I'm paying for. Is for her to get me to think differently.
As I was leaving her office she told me that she wants me to stop saying negative things about myself. I was shocked. I have really good self esteem. But, I did remember calling myself a psycho. I asked her if that was what she was referring to. She said, "yes". I giggled and told her that I knew I wasn't psycho, that I just thought differently than everyone else. She reassured me that that wasn't the case.
Once I got in the car I realized that one of my very own "Faithful thought cards" that I had found on my own said,
"I feel to invite every woman everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass." -- Gordon B. Hinckley
Wow! Had I really not paid attention to that one in the last week? I must have told my mom that I had failed in a couple of things several times. I even went so far as to have said "failed" every time too.
I decided right then, that I hadn't failed. I was humble and teachable and was willing to learn and try some new things in my home. After all, my day had been better than yesterday with my mom's pointers. So it was then, that I called my mom again, and told her what I had learned. I also told her that I wouldn't be needing her this next coming Monday.
We joke about "think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts." But it's true. I'm learning to do that again. I'm learning that I'M in control of my thoughts and I'm going to discard any negative thoughts. It will change my life. And I've got a great one!