Finding "me" again

Today is a big day. I see my therapist at 3:00 and I will be telling her today that I won't be needing her anymore. Just over two months ago I could barely drag myself in to see her. I sat on the edge of her couch with my hands nervously clenched and ANXIOUS! Anxious about what we might talk about, whether or not she'd make me more anxious, and the fear of not getting "fixed". She's seen me improve week to week. I'VE seen me improve week to week. I believe I've reached my goals. I've surpassed my goals really. I'm better than I have been in a long time. I had forgotten how good being "me" was.

I remember her asking me the second time I spoke with her how I was doing with my babies? I quickly told her how blessed I had been. I pointed out how blessed I was to not be bothered by my daily ponytails, my flip flops, lack of entertaining, lack of friends, etc. She asked, "Really? You're okay with all that?" I then hesitantly answered back, "Yes, I mean, I've really been blessed to not have that bother me the last couple of years."

She went on to explain to me that I could say that it was difficult and that I really did miss those things and the Lord wouldn't consider me ungrateful. I guess I had gotten that mixed up sometime. She told me to grieve that week about missing "me". I can't believe what a difference it made. I'm a better wife, mother, and friend because of her. Now I'm back dressing up, entertaining, dressing the kids up like Cowboys fans when D comes home from work, checking in on friends, taking trips, shopping, and being happy again. I couldn't fool her for a second. She knew me better than myself.

I read Nie Nie's post just barely and could really relate in so many ways. I once mourned the woman I used to be, and now I'm enjoying being "me" again. Being "me" isn't perfect, nor do I have a perfect life, but it's a place where I'm comfortable, confident, and able to answer to my children at the end of each day, that yes, I had a good day.

Today's nap time.