Sunday, September 5, 2010

Putting on a show

Getting to church today was well, um, hard. We or I just dragged this morning after making a spontaneous trip yesterday. It was a bun in the hair and yesterdays mascara day. Pretty bad seeing how I always look my best for church.

Just as I was sitting down, G informs me that I had forgotten to change B's pull up from last night and that there were a couple deer poops in there. Lovely. I wasn't prepared with a dang thing so I grabbed her and headed out to the car to call D before he left home. (We were there early because little g was the reverence child.) A pull up was on its way, but we made a bee line to the restroom. There I stripped her of her night time pull up, cleaned up her bum and went into the chapel completely naked under her dress. She was traumatized saying that she was naked, as I'm hushing her and giggling so that I don't cry.

Just before the opening prayer was said I looked over to J and noticed that he had gotten hair glue all over his entire forehead and eyebrows. Seriously? But the way that I noticed it was that he had been picking it and it was white and crusty all over the place. As soon as the prayer was over I sent him to wash his entire face including eyebrows! How in the world do you get hair glue in your eyebrows?

As we're sitting there waiting for D and the panties to arrive, I look over to see that B is totally exposing her crotch to the world! My arm has never flown over so fast in its life. Yes, arms do fly. I yanked her dress down and just started giggling to the point that I had a hard time containing myself. It seemed like Christmas Eve for a child where it's the longest night of their life. Ya, waiting for those panties was the longest wait of my life as I tried to hold B and her dress down so that we wouldn't humiliate ourselves anymore. Finally! The panties arrived and felt as though things would be normal.

Oh no. That's when I knew that I needed to take notes for this was blog worthy.

Little g was laying on my tummy being cute and heard my tummy growling. He quickly told me that he heard it and that I must be starving. He asked if I was hungry and I went along and said, "yes". I guess I was, I was fasting. Anyway...the conversation went on to me saying that I was fasting. He didn't hear me quite right and he questioned me with great concern in a loud voice, "You're nasty?" At this point I knew my friend was getting a show and I wanted to bail out but no, we stayed on our bench. I giggled and told him that no I wasn't nasty, I was fasting. I then went on to explain what fasting was. Oh boy.

It was one of those Sundays where no one just sits to listen. All the kids want to be on my lap. The kids tell each other to fold their arms during the prayers while their eyes are wide open and speaking too.

After a few minutes I looked over to see B pulling her chewed gum off of the pugh ready to chew again. I yanked it away from her and explained that we do not put our gum on the church.

Two minutes later G is telling me that B has gum all over her dress. What? Ya, the gum I shouldn't have given back was now smeared all over her dress.

S came over and wanted to sit on my lap during the closing prayer. Before she climbed up she noticed the necklace I was wearing. I had bought it this past week at Savers and had decided it was too great of a string of pearls for a two year old so I wore them. With her loud voice she asked, "My necklace?" and then demanded, "Give me it!"

Somehow I left the meeting with a smile. I had somehow survived despite the show we put on for our friends the few rows around us. Next week we'll check for panties, grab some snacks, crayons, babies, muzzles, and papooses, and straight jackets. It'll be great.


Megan said...

Oh boy! I hear you. We have had many a sacrament meeting like that. I have started giggling, too; just to make it through the meeting. We actually have people in our ward who choose to sit by us because they know it will be entertaining. It's always such a fun story to tell after the fact, but not so fun to live it.

I can't wait until it's my turn to be the spectator, but I'm sure I'll miss this stage when it's gone.

Cheri said...

I love it!!! church is hard for us too. but we just keep plugging along and I hope one day I can be the quiet family again.

Kjersti said...

Thank you for making me laugh with this story.

aunt jan said...

The good stuff that life is made of! Who would want to live a boring life?

Erika said...

Sheesh...sounds horrid. I've had days like that too! Glad you made it!

Robyn said...

I can totally picture it! I am glad you have those days in church because I always said I didn't know how you control them. I bet those fingers was just a snappin!!