As I was typing the different days of my Louisville trip, I came up with some conclusions.
1. I'm doing well. Really well. Just last fall I cancelled three trips due to my anxiety, so to think I went to D asking him if I could go by myself is almost miraculous.
2. I love road trips.
3. I giggle a lot.
4. I also cry a lot.
5. I pull a lot of weird faces and do funny poses in pictures.
6. I like to do stupid fake scenario pictures. They make me happy.
7. I learned that I like to make lists and check things off. It feels good.
8. I also enjoy winging it most of the time. :)
Maybe the biggest thing of all.... I feel like I had a trip of a lifetime. More than I ever could have expected. And yet, not once have I worried about what might be lurking around the corner as to what trial I'm going to have to go through next. I'm learning to live by faith and not by fear. It's been a long time coming. April 7th may be one of the greatest days in my life, but it also brought a lot of worry and fear for the next twenty years. Worrying that if I was really prepared, something would happen. Worried that if I went through other difficult challenges, I wouldn't receive miracles or help because I had already had mine. Worried that if things were really good, then most certainly something bad was bound to happen. Isn't that crazy that for twenty years I could be so vocal about knowing God loves me, and that miracles happen, yet, those same twenty years I've lived in fear of being abandoned when I would have to go through something tragic again? Had I not learned anything? Better late than never. As I'm sitting here typing and crying again, I'm realizing that I've just put all the pieces together. My story is now complete.
3 months ago