For the past couple of days I've thought about being a mother with Mother's Day arriving. I've found myself questioning my own mothering. Wondering if I'm a good mother. You know? I think all mothers wonder that from time to time.
I had a conversation with a good friend this week and jokingly she said that I was in survival mode. I joke about that a lot, but it wasn't too funny to hear someone else say that about me. So, all I've thought about since then is being the survival mother. I wonder if my big boys will someday or already do, feel jipped at having a mother in survival mode.
Today all I wanted was a day alone. To not have the responsibilities of a mother. Is that horrible? I'm hiding away in my bedroom as I hear the boys (all six of them) downstairs being really intense while playing games. I'll just leave it at that.
The noise, the confusion, the contention, the bugging, the complaining, the messes, oh the messes...It's hard.
I hear of women that love being a mother more than anything in the world. I know them. Some of them could be candidates for mother of the year. One woman I know actually was. I notice myself comparing myself to them, and all it does is bring me down. I think about all the things I don't do for my kids, take my kids, make for my kids or teach my kids. Then I find myself comparing myself to my own mother. How in the world did she do all that she did?? She had seven kids too. But, then I have to remind myself that we have different lives, spouses, children and circumstances.
I know that being a mother is one of God's greatest callings. I'm grateful that I'm a mother. I'm grateful for my children.
Tonight I'll crash into bed wondering if my kids would even say anything good about me. Not a cool way to end Mother's Day.
Tomorrow I'll wake up grateful for another day to be a mother. To be there for my children. That, is all that I want. So, when I look at it that way...I really do want to be a mother more than anything in the world.
I will go to bed happy after all. :)
No sense in pretending that it's always perfect! Being a mother is hard work, it's demanding, and it's exhausting, but...I find no greater joy than in being a mother! Thank goodness for those good times and good days. They make it all worth it.
These are our Mother's Day pictures of today that I started doing as a tradition last year.
ITP-a year later
2 months ago