Despite all those neat and exciting things ahead, my anxiety decided to show up again while I was visiting my parents. It's still lingering. It usually takes several weeks for me to get back to "me" again. I'm working on it. I'll get there. I've had a couple neat experiences and received some tender mercies from my Heavenly Father so I know that I'm not having to do this on my own.
One of the downfalls of anxiety and the panic attacks are thinking that you're a real mental case. Seriously. The thought occured to me, or the worry rather, that what if D sends me away to the mental hospital some day? That he might not want me if I'm crazy. Welcome to my world of psychoticness. That's what anxiety does. You are NOT yourself!!
Tonight I was going over pictures that we had taken of our family in December. There are some that just made me smile. Like really smile. I put this one up on my screen saver.
I thought, "I look cute in this picture". Surely D likes me right now. Then I remembered this song that I heard for the first time a few weeks ago. It's a MUST!! Go to itunes and buy it RIGHT NOW! It's called, "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars. S and I danced to it while I sang in her ear. She was cute and sang along with me when it got to, "way you are".
I LOVE this song. I love imagining D singing it to me. I'm fine if it's just Bruno singing it to me. It's so great. It should be on a Dove commercial. It's a song that my girls are going to grow up with.
Anyway...I'm tearing up right now thinking about it. Surely I have shared way too much this time. But, I'm glad that I've got a guy that does love me just the way I am. Big hair or a bun. Great cook or frozen dinners. Ironed shirts or piles of clothes. Confident or anxious. He believes in me. He's patient with me. He loves me. It's much more than looking cute in a picture or fitting in my skinny jeans. It's loving everything about me or rather accepting everything about me and embracing the woman, wife and mother that I am despite my imperfections, fears and weaknesses.
I'm looking forward to this year and all the new changes it will bring. Glad I get to share it with you D. I love you. Just the way YOU are.
*Didn't I tell you how awesome this song was? It'll probably play a few hundred times on my ipod the next while. :)